


baby, you're just harder to see than most

by lookintothelinessx



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Established Relationship, Fix-It, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Kinda, M/M, One Shot, Tags Are Hard, and start communicating!, but also angst, but they are too scared of their feelings, so here we go, these two are so in love, these two needed to figure things out, what else
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:00:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26843263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lookintothelinessx/pseuds/lookintothelinessx
Summary: Summer storms, sizzling pans and lots of feelings.or, the one about two boys still madly in love with each other, but terrified of not having their feelings returnedor, the one where Lucas and Eliott finally talk and get their shit together
Relationships: Eliott Demaury/Lucas Lallemant
Comments: 22
Kudos: 118





	baby, you're just harder to see than most

**Author's Note:**

> hi, this is my first fic in this fandom and i hope you like it :)
> 
> i had this idea for a while now, and these two have been living in my head rent free since the end of s6, so it only seemed reasonable to write a fic about them where they finally talk it all out. (aka the communication between them we all needed and deserved)
> 
> the fic is supposed to be set in late august (hence the summer storms), but i procrastinated on finishing it and suddenly it's october oops.
> 
> also, the title is from the song 'Dancing With Your Ghost' by Sasha Sloan and i chose it because it seemed fitting to these two.
> 
> again, hope you like it :)

> Warm summer breeze was slowly pouring in through the slightly open window of their apartment. The air in Paris was filled with humidity, and an unbearably hot summer day in August was making way to its comfortable evening, smelling faintly of an upcoming summer storm. The last rays of sun were bathing every last corner in a soft orange glow, casting faint shadows in its wake.

On any other day, the warm summer atmosphere would be engulfing Lucas from head to toe, giving him a calming feeling of peacefulness and content.

But there was something about the way the clouds curled up around the high tops of Parisian buildings and painted the streets in a dark shade of blue.

He was standing by their kitchen counter, wearing only a thin t-shirt and a pair of shorts. He was taking out the plates from the overhead cupboard and could feel the sweat curling its way from his nape all the way down his back. His hands were shaking, although not only from the heat, and he could feel the nervousness forming behind his ribs and spreading into his throat, where it nestled itself into a lump; every taken breath straining his lungs.

Eliott, who was mixing up the spices with the eggs in a sizzling pan, was standing just a couple of meters next to him, but he never felt further away. Them, preparing dinner together, was a rare occasion, with Eliot spending most of his evenings at the video store and returning back to their bedroom in the early hours of the morning. He would press a kiss to Lucas’ cheek and slip under the covers, and Lucas, with unshed tears burning his eyes and threatening to spill onto his pillow, would pretend to be asleep.

He didn’t imagine their future like this.

Sure, the newness of their relationship and the excitement of moving in together wouldn’t last forever, but the closeness between them and the understanding for each other that stemmed from everything they went through in more than a year, now seemed to be only a shadow of what it once was.

They weren’t avoiding each other, it just seemed that instead of spending long summer weeks together, they were dancing around with meaningless conversations, both scared of bringing up the reality and shattering all the mended trust, carefully built on forgotten lies and old secrets.

And Lucas, he missed what they once were.

He missed the way Eliott would wrap his arms around his waist, while Lucas would prepare breakfast in their poorly equipped kitchen, with boxes full of clothes still lying on every surface in their new apartment. He would try to distract him with tickling his sides and pressing his nose into the crook of his neck, while Lucas would complain about it. But really, he loved every second of it.

He missed the feeling of Eliott’s lips, lingering on his forehead, both cheeks, tip of his nose and then finally his lips, every time he would leave to go to work. Lucas would have to kick him out with the threat of his angry boss to keep him from stealing kisses every chance he got between putting on his shoes.

He missed those nights when they would be propped against their bedroom window, both wide awake and sharing a joint in the middle of the night, watching the poorly lit street below them and staring at the stars reflected in each other’s eyes. They would make pointless jokes, stringing together words that wouldn’t even make sense, holding back tears of laughter that were about to spill over on their rosy cheeks. Later, they would fall into their bed together, laughter making way to soft kisses and quiet promises pressed into warm skin.

He missed the casual _‘I love you’_ s, naturally slipped into conversations, sticky-notes and text-messages written without a second thought, but feeling so right, making his heart swell and colour his cheeks every time he read them.

Now, he couldn’t even remember the last time they said those words to each other.

Hell, he couldn’t even remember the last time they kissed.

He didn’t just miss it, he craved it, and the want was burning his insides and prodding at his heart, making his fingers shake with desperation, knuckles white from his tight grip on the white plates.

His throat was constricting, and he felt a lump in his throat, making it hard to breathe. His head started spinning and he desperately tried to let out a sigh without drawing too much attention, stifling it behind his open palm.

It was the first thunder that spurred him on, and suddenly everything seemed too much.

Later, he would blame it on the heat, but words that he didn’t even realize were always at the back of his mind were suddenly spilling out of his mouth without his brain even registering it.

“You would tell me if you didn’t love me anymore, right?”

Out of the corner of his eyes he saw how Eliott abruptly stopped stirring the eggs, a deep frown appearing on his forehead. It was a while before he responded, slowly turning his body towards Lucas, who was still standing next to the sink.

“Why are you saying this?” he said, almost inaudibly, but Lucas still heard him over the thunder slowly increasing in force.

The pan made a sizzling sound, but both of them paid no mind.

“I don’t know…I just feel like we’ve changed so much, and if you don’t feel that way anymore, it doesn’t make sense for us to be together anymore…” he said the last words hesitantly, not realising the harshness of them before it being too late.

“Is this because of the last episode?” Eliott responded, uncharacteristically stern, but Lucas knew he was just building up his defence.

“Eliott, I am the last person who would hold that against you, I thought you knew that,” he muttered, still not trusting himself to meet Eliott’s eyes. “I just don’t know what I did wrong to lose your trust, you don’t tell me anything anymore,” he silently confessed, just saying it out loud making his heart beat a little calmer.

The frown on Eliott’s forehead deepened, making his eyes look dark and closed-off. “Fuck, Lucas, I don’t have to tell you everything! I don’t need you always holding my hand! Will you for once just stop acting like my babysitter!”

The words echoed from their kitchen walls, spilling through the window and disappearing into the night. In the distance, the second round of thunder growled, and the air felt electric with the upcoming storm.

Lucas flinched at the words, the sound of thunder barely registering in his mind, which was repeating the words over and over again. Another set of tears threatened to spill on his cheeks and he abruptly downcasted his eyes, not wanting to show how much the words hurt. He took a step back and leaned on the counter; the room seemed to be spinning even more than just minutes ago.

Eliott, registering his words and Lucas’ heartbroken expression, hastily reached for him, his arm stopping mid-air and falling limp to his side. “Lucas, I didn’t mean – “

“No, you’re right.” Lucas lifted his eyes and focused his gaze on the ceiling, just the thought of staring back into Eliott’s eyes too much to bear.

“I was always afraid of caring too much about you, but at the same time I was so fucking scared when you had your episodes, Eliott, every single time from the first one on the boat. I had no idea how to act around you or what to do, and the last thing I wanted was to be too much or to make you feel weak or unworthy. All this time I was trying to make you understand that I’m not doing it out of pity, but out of love.”

His eyes momentarily drifted to Eliott, who was staring right back with despair in his eyes, his mind trying to form words of comfort, but his mouth making no sound.

Lucas averted his eyes and flinched at the reflection of a lightning in their kitchen window, this time shortly followed by a loud thunder.

“But mainly, I was so afraid of being like Lucille – , “ he whispered, his words barely audible over the sound of rain that was now slowly starting to knock on their window.

“Lucas, no – “

“Don’t, just let me finish,” Lucas cut him off, desperately trying to tell him everything that has been clouding his mind for months.

“What I haven’t realized is that all this time it was you who was treating me as if I were her.” His voice broke on the last word, a single tear escaping his eyes and making its way down his cheek. He quickly wiped it off with the back of his hand, not wanting to show how vulnerable he felt.

Their kitchen remained silent for a couple of seconds; the pan and plates were long forgotten on the counter, while heavy droplets of rain bathed Paris in fogy mist. Eliott was staring at the window, the reflection of their silhouettes now apparent on the clear surface, and he almost couldn’t recognize them anymore. He was trying to find the right words, but the silence was stretching into the dark evening and making his stomach churn with nerves. It all came down to honestly, he realized, something he only rarely dared to show to the world. But this was Lucas, the boy with the most compassionate heart he ever knew, and he couldn’t be the reason to break it again.

“You are not her, Lucas. You don’t realize how good you are, how safe you make me feel. I never had that, not with anyone else.”

Lucas lifted his eyes, forcing himself to remain strong and lock his eyes with Eliott.

“Then why do you feel like you need to keep so many secrets? Do you know how awful that made me feel? How desperate I was to make you trust me, and how broken I was when you lied straight to my face?”

It was Eliott who broke their eye contact now, not baring to see the pure hurt reflecting in Lucas’ eyes.

“I was so scared of opening up, and it never felt like it was the right time,” he tried, but the words sounded hollow even to his own ears.

Lucas remained silent; after a moment he turned around and took another step to the window. The storm was in full swing and people down the street were hurriedly making their way home. Lucas tried his best to remember what his home felt like.

After a beat, he whispered against the glass. “You know, sometimes I feel like I don’t even know you anymore.”

“Don’t say that,” he barely heard from behind himself, Eliott’s voice seeming like it’s miles away.

“I don’t even remember the last time you said you loved me,” Lucas continued, his voice still just a whisper.

Eliott let out a sigh at that, and Lucas could see him shaking his head in the reflection. “You haven’t said it either and I didn’t know if you still felt that way after everything that happened. I didn’t want to pressure you into saying something that you don’t feel.”

Lucas was still turned to the window, trying to process the words and only now realizing that he didn’t have the courage to profess his love and not have it returned. They never were great with words and expressing their feelings, but he always felt like Eliott opened up a side of him that wasn’t afraid to show anymore. He only hoped he made Eliott feel that way too, but countless times he showed his mistrust only proved him wrong.

“I love you,” he heard from behind, and it was enough to tip his sadness into desperation.

“Then show it!” He screamed, while turning around. A sob escaped his lungs and tears that he kept pushing down were now spilling down his cheeks without control.

Eliott only flinched, and the droplets that kept knocking on their window and letting in a cold breeze were urging Lucas to continue.

“I’m sorry for being so selfish and asking for your love, while you could have anyone out there, but at the same time I was so afraid of you just leaving me – ,” his last word got caught on a second sob, but he urgently pushed it down.

“Lucas – ,”

“ – and I was trying not to be dependent on you, but you are my first love and I have no idea how it all works.” Words were spilling out of him in intangible sentences, but he forced himself to continue. “All I know is that loving you felt so right and so comfortable, and all this time I was trying to be better for you, for us, but I just don’t think I’m enough.”

His hands were shaking again, his knuckles white from squeezing them into fists to stop the trembling.

“Lucas, no, stop with this,” Eliott reached for his hands again, but before heir thumbs brushed against eachother’s, he stopped himself. His eyes fell to the floor for a second, and he followed the faint lines in the wood, connecting their bare feet while still meters apart.

“Listen, ever since I first saw you in that corridor, I felt this unusual connection that I’ve never felt before. Never, Lucas. You became so important to me and every day I wake up feeling undeserving but so grateful for your love. All this time I spent hiding things about me, because I didn’t want to unload it all on you. It made me feel so stressed, because I feel so much towards you and I wasn’t sure how you would handle parts of me I kept hidden from everyone else. But I forgot it was you; you were always so understanding and caring, and too good for me. I wasn’t, and I had no idea how to handle it.” He took a tentative step towards Lucas, still not wanting to overwhelm him.

“But the one thing I’m sure about, is that you are the one for me. Forget all those parallel Lucases, they don’t stand a chance when it comes to you.”

Another step, this time more confident.

“I’m serious, Lucas, I don’t want anyone else.”

Another silence fell in their kitchen, this time feeling less charged. The wind was still blowing outside, and the thunder was slowly subsiding.

Lucas felt a lone tear slide down his cheek, and he suddenly felt Eliott’s thumb brushing it away, before it made its way down his chin. He then hesitantly slid his fingers to his jaw and stroked the soft skin behind his ear, making Lucas lean into his touch.

It was the simple things that he missed; just being close and feeling skin pressed to skin.

Eliott then cupped his other cheek, making him lift his head and look him straight into his eyes.

It was one of his favourite things to look at; the changing colour of Eliott’s eyes; grey with dark specks on a cloudy day and bright blue in direct sunlight. Now, they were a lighter shade of blue than usual, black irises staring directly into Lucas’ eyes, making it feel like he was seeing everything that he was.

It sent shivers through his spine, but he held his gaze, which urged Eliot to continue.

“I’m sorry I made you feel that way, I didn’t know I was constantly pushing you away and it breaks my heart to know that I caused this. It was stupid of me to try and keep it from you, but I wasn’t sure you would approve, and I didn’t want to lose the best thing that has ever happened to me.”

He kept caressing Lucas’ cheeks with his thumbs, and Lucas stared back at him with so much trust in his eyes it was making his heart squeeze with love.

The rain was now barely a drizzle, the dim evening light bathing their kitchen in dark blue shades, intertwining themselves with faint light from their lamp which was casting soft lines of yellow on their floor. The breeze that slipped through the slightly opened window tousled Lucas’ hair and left a cold feeling on his cheeks, making him notice the tears that were escaping uncontrollably.

Eliott was hesitantly stroking the skin bellow his eyes and Lucas saw how anxious he was of making a wrong move. It reminded him of why he fell in love with him; with his gentle smile, reserved just for him, with cautious eyes, so open and vulnerable, and with his empathic personality, always afraid of hurting people and not ever thinking about himself.

Lucas reached up and grabbed his hands, prying them away from his face. He interlaced their fingers and swung their hands down, stroking the back of Eliott’s hand with his thumbs before releasing them and wrapping his arms around his neck.

Eliott’s palms immediately found his waist and brought him closer, which made the corners of Lucas’ mouth lift up in a tender smile.

Eliott beamed back at him, his face softly illuminated by a thin moonlight, which showed itself from beneath the clouds.

It reminded Lucas of that night when they first kissed; heavy droplets of rain soaking their skin underneath layers of fabric, the moon being the only witness to the unfathomable connection they felt while kissing for the first time.

Their kiss was less desperate now, bringing back memories of their time together and making them realize how vulnerable they both were beneath their defences. Their lips slid together in a familiar dance, trying to convey everything they felt into a chaste kiss.

> They were bound to make mistakes, like everyone else, but one thing they were sure about was giving each other their hearts and trusting the other to do everything in his power to keep it safe and love it unconditionally.

**Author's Note:**

> feel free to comment/share your thoughts


End file.
